Story by Hope

My daughter asked if I would like her to submit another contribution to the blog. I was a blubbering basket case when I finished reading it. She is dyslexic, so I did add some missing words and fixed some misspelled ones so you could enjoy it more.


This is a story of a lost girl. She can’t tell what’s right or what’s wrong, what to do, what not to do. She was at the end of her rope. She tried everything she could think of, and nothing worked. She did not feel loved, she had no motivation, and she was broken. She laid in bed thinking about all this trying to be happy, trying to be good, trying to not have self pity. All she could do was cry and wish she could get away.


Something happened that night. Something special. A light started glowing on her messy floor. She thought she was going insane, so she rubbed her eyes. The light only got brighter and turned in a hole. She looked at the hole in her floor and with nothing to loose she jump in. She hoped she would leave her self hatred, her depression, her loss of hope. She hoped when she jumped in that hole she would be free.

When she jumped in the hole, her hair flew in her face and everything was spinning. Around her was light and dark purple stripes like a candy cane. She looked at her skin and it was glowing and sparkling. Suddenly, everything got slow and she started seeing all her most painful moments flash before her eyes. Was she dead? Is this the way to heaven? She could not answer these questions in her mind. All she could do was cry. She saw her friends lie and betray her. She saw her family making her feel worthless. She saw herself looking in the mirror with hatred. She saw she was used, and abused. She was trembling trying to calm herself, but her emotions were too strong. Finally, the flashbacks stopped.

She opened her eyes. She didn’t even realize her eyes were closed. She was on a beach. The sand was shining in the sun. The ocean was the most beautiful shade of blue she had ever seen. The palm tree right beside the beach were perfectly green. She wondered how she got to this place. When she looked down, she was wearing a dress that was white, sparkling, and beautiful. Her skin was completely clear of any imperfections. Her hair smelled of coconut and the ocean. She felt happier than she had felt in her whole life. She did not know how she could feel such joy after feeling so much pain. She walked down the beach taking in the perfection, wondering if she could stay here forever. She walked over to the ocean and felt the wave flow onto her feet. The water was not too cold, but not too warm. She spun around with joy and felt herself laugh a real laugh. She hadn’t done that for so long, it felt alien to her. The feeling she felt in her heart was unexplainable. An older man started walking towards her. He was wearing white, and his hair was touching his shoulders. It had a slight curl. He had a small beard. He had deep smile lines. He was smiling. He walked up to her and told her, “My little princess, this is what I wanted for you.” Tears started slowly streaming down his face. “I never wanted you to get hurt.” She realized then she wasn’t alone. “You must be brave. Keep going. One day we will be together.” He slowly started to fade away but she knew he was still with her. He was always with her. As everything started to fade away, she realized her scars made her unique. She was beautiful. She did not need other people’s love. She was much stronger than she would ever know. She was so incredibly loved. She would still feel pain but that was ok because without pain there would not be happiness. Without pain, she could not get to perfection. The pain brings her closer to Him.

Stronger Through Suffering

My daughter, "Hope," was asked to give a talk to a group of girls. She suffered so much from such depression her freshman year of high school that much of her hair actually fell out. It was gut wrenching to watch my daughter go through this sad time and the only thing I could do was hold her. I felt so useless and not in control. I felt angry that people were not nice to her. She now tells me that she is glad that she went through this, even though she would never want to do it again. She says it made her strong and ready to face life. It was a speech, so please excuse the grammar mistakes. Here she is:

Ok, so I just want to start of by saying if you know me, you know that before any story I tell I have to have a kind of pre-story and a disclaimer. So I want to say I don’t want any pity or anything like that. My life is great, and also I don’t want make it seem like suffering isn’t difficult. So like most people, for middle school and beginning of high school, I really struggled with being happy. During freshman year, I got into a extremely toxic friendship and it really broke all my confidence. It got to the point I was crying almost every night. Luckily, I got out of that relationship, but then my other friend and I started fighting a lot and that friendship got very toxic. I felt so alone and I honestly had so much self pity. I had been told different things about suffering, like to give it up for other people, but I didn’t understand why would you give up your suffering just for someone else’s suffering? That didn’t make sense to me. I got invited to a bible study type thing and we talked about suffering. It changed my whole life and I hope I can help other people deal with it too. The guy who led it explained that suffering is to set us free from our idols. Suffering makes room, and then God fills that space so that His life in us becomes our identity. Suffering makes space and God fills that space if we place our trust in Him. John of the Cross says, God’s immense blessings can only fit in a heart that is empty. Jesus said to St. Angela of Foligno: “If you make yourself a capacity, I will make Myself a torrent.” Well, suffering is the most effective instrument God uses to make space so that He can fill that space with Himself. Suffering flushes or cleanses us from all the things we have become attached to that are not God, so we can be filled by God. And the more and faster you want to be filled by God, the more and faster He may allow suffering – if you have a heart with great love and much courage. So if you are suffering and if you are experiencing loss, it is because God is emptying you in order to fill you. Trust Him and say Yes to Him. I know it may sound a little weird and crazy but once I learned this and remembered it, suffering became so much easier. Also I realize with those friendships I was relying on other people to make me happy which wasn’t fair to them or to me. Now I can say I am the happiest I have ever been.